Diarrhea, diarrhea…

It comes out of your bum, like a bullet from a gun… diarrhea, diarrhea!

So this pretty much sums up our week. My poor, sweet innocent baby has had the never ending shits for nearly a fortnight now and we are barely clinging on.

I obviously feel compelled to write about it because it’s become a pretty constant feature in both of our lives and obviously a problem shared… makes absolutely no difference  in terms of digestive movements but writing about it is at least therapeutic for me!

Now love makes you do all manner of weird and wonderful things, and the love of a child… Well, that knows no bounds. I can honestly say hand on heart, if I could swap bums and bowels with my little dude then I would willing do so. It also apparently makes you immune to vomming all over them when they smear their turd all over you, the furniture and the passing pooch.

As you can imagine, being a first time mum/panic-ker/manic-googler, when things go slightly awry and Google fails me or scares the crap out of me, we go to the doctors! This place it seems, has become my second home and I’ve actually started to position myself and Bodes in our ‘usual’ spot upon entering.

Now this week, I’ve added another string to my motherly bow… turd excavator. Oh yes, I actually had to don a pair of purple latex gloves and basically shovel my child’s faeces into a very tinie, tiny tube that I think even a mouse would have difficulty in maneuvering into. And just wait, the guidance that came along with that from the receptionist was – “if you could just make sure it touches all the sides that would be great”. Oh of course, no problem… because diarrhea is good like that, really compliant.

Then, to my absolute horror I was told in order to stop said diarrhea in it’s tracks I had to starve the poor boy! Well, I lasted 2 hours – at a push. Bodes actually dragged his highchair from the utility into the kitchen. Now if that doesn’t say hungry child I’m really not sure what does.

So, to sum it all up… I’m absolutely not succeeding very well at this whole situation and as it stands we are currently living on a knife point whereby we haven’t had any stool movements as yet today which is a good thing but I’m sure Mount Etna will make her appearance at some point, no doubt when it’s really convenient.

Things I have learnt though…please feel free to take any of these on board should you find yourself in a similar disposition:

  • sharts are bloody-minded farts sent down from the God of Feaces to mess with you, your toddler and your nappy supply. Always, always check a fart.
  • English muffins – excellent bunger-uppers
  • As are banana’s – these humble fruits are beyond talented
  • When enabling free-nappy time after an incident, double check the entire area. This avoids shitty forearms should the little cherub need picking up bare bottomed at any point.
  • Towels, towels and towels – pre-bedtime cuddles with In The Night Garden and more bottom breathing time requires towels. Cover up and hope for the best.
  • Oh, and whoever said a Chamomile tea bag on their bum would get rid of nappy rash is lying their tits off.



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