Obviously it’s Valentines day, no commercial outlet in the entire UK would have you forget that. So I’ve spent it leisurely pottering around the house, drinking tea, reading a book and eating steak and dauphinoise potatoes… in my dreams!
Instead, I got a fairly consistent stream of vomit exiting Boden’s mouth from approximately 4am this morning, although this was made significantly better by some croissants in bed and my little vomit machine bringing me a red rose, simple parental pleasures.
In addition to the above I found a frozen lasagne in the freezer which felt like Christmas and even the toddler and dog rolling around in the vomit covered duvet and duvet covers wasn’t going to get me down after finding that nugget of meaty, cheesy goodness.
I also decided this morning whilst trying to figure out how to tackle the mound of vomit-ridden bedding/clothing/child/dog that I genuinely think I would rather catch a turd with my bare hands than have to deal with heaps of sick. One quick rapid moment of grossness which can be easily remedied with a bit of soap and lemon juice as opposed to hours of washing/drying/putting away. Done deal.
*I’d like to add that a few weeks ago, I actually did catch a turd with my bare hands during a brief and clearly ill-considered moment of free-willy time. The reason for doing so was that I actually considered that the lesser of two evils as we’d just had a new carpet fitted and the thought of scrubbing turd out of it was too much to bare.
Anyway, this got me thinking about the various situations you find yourself in as a parent and decided I’d play a little bit of would you rather with Mr T, he was mainly watching the rugby and giving my squiffy looks but it’s been that kind of Sunday and pretty much where my mind is at.
So, would you rather…
Have a hungover husband, or be hungover yourself?
Have to share every single morsel of food that you got to eat with your resident scavengers, or eat every meal in the toilet on your own..?
Have baby vomit in your face, or down (actually inside) your top?
Never have Cebeebies ever again, or have to listen to the theme tune to Peter Rabbit every 30 minutes? This is a tough call, Cebeebies has been a bit of a saving grace today but that song….
Have to use/clean reusable (shitty) nappies or walk to the shops every time to buy a new one?
Have a toddler that throws tantrums, or objects (to include food, feaces, your phone)…?
Shower once a week on your own, for as long as you desired… maybe even bath with some prosecco and candles (really push the boat out) or shower every day while dealing with a slippery child who HAS to join you and splash you constantly in the face?
Have your child brush their teeth every day, twice a day without any drama and only get to shave your legs once a year, or have complete teeth brushing breakdowns but be hair free?
Have a fussy eater, or a fussy sleeper?
Only be able to drink gin/wine out of a sippy cup, or not at all?
Go food shopping with child in tow, or do it online and have the site crash and start all over again at least 10 times…?
So Happy Valentines… now where’s the bloody gin?